Owning It Means Measuring It Honestly
In the last lesson, we turned the lens around and talked about helping people take responsibility for their own growth. This lesson picks up right where that one left off. Because once someone owns their growth, the next natural question is: "How do I know if I'm actually growing?"
Back in Lesson 15, we talked about how the church measures growth. Now we're looking at it from the inside. How does a person measure their own spiritual growth? How do they figure out where they really are on the path?
It sounds simple. Just look at yourself and be honest, right? But anyone who has tried knows it's harder than it sounds. We're not very good at seeing ourselves clearly. Most of us tend to think the best of ourselves. We judge ourselves by our good intentions while we judge others by their actions. We remember our wins and quietly forget our failures.
That's why this lesson matters so much. If people are going to own their growth, they need to learn how to measure it honestly — not too kindly, not too harshly, but truthfully. True to themselves, and true to God.
Why We See Ourselves Too Kindly
Here's an uncomfortable truth: most of us think we're doing a little better than we really are. Researchers have long noticed that when people rate themselves on things like kindness, honesty, or skill, most of them rate themselves above average. That can't be true for everyone, of course. But it's how we're wired.
Scripture saw this long before any researcher did. "All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits" (Proverbs 16:2, KJV). And Jeremiah went even further: "The heart is deceitful above all things… who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV).
Jesus gave a sobering example in His message to the church in Laodicea. They said, "I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing." But Jesus said they didn't realize they were actually "wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked" (Revelation 3:17, KJV). They weren't lying on purpose. They simply couldn't see themselves clearly.
Here are some common ways we fool ourselves:
We measure by intentions. "I really want to pray more" starts to feel the same as actually praying more.
We measure by knowledge. Knowing a lot about the Bible can feel like being mature, even when our lives haven't changed much.
We measure by history. "I've been a Christian for 30 years" can stand in for asking whether we're growing today.
We measure by comparison. "At least I'm doing better than him" keeps us from looking honestly at ourselves.
We measure by activity. Being busy at church can feel like being close to God.
And Sometimes Too Harshly
It's worth saying that some people struggle in the opposite direction. They see only their failures and can't recognize any growth at all. That's not honest either. Paul's instruction cuts both ways: we're not "to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly" (Romans 12:3, KJV). Sober thinking means seeing yourself accurately — the struggles and the growth.
Four Honest Mirrors
If we can't trust our own eyes completely, how can we see ourselves clearly? We need mirrors outside of ourselves. Here are four that God has given us:
1. God's Word. James compares Scripture to a mirror. He warns about the person who looks into it, "goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was" (James 1:24, KJV). When we read the Bible honestly, it shows us who we really are and who God is calling us to be. Read passages like 1 Corinthians 13 or Galatians 5:22–23 and ask, "Does this describe me?"
2. Prayer. Only God sees the heart perfectly. So ask Him to show you. David prayed, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23–24, KJV). It's a brave prayer, and God answers it.
3. Trusted friends. Other people can often see what we can't. A guide, mentor, spouse, or close friend who loves you and will tell you the truth is one of the greatest gifts for your growth. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6, KJV).
4. The evidence of your life. Your calendar, your checkbook, your words, and your relationships tell the real story. Jesus said, "by their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:20, KJV). That applies to us too. What fruit is your life actually producing?
No single mirror tells the whole story. But when all four start saying the same thing, you can trust what you're seeing.
Measuring by Evidence, Not Intentions
The most practical way to be honest with yourself is to look for evidence. Instead of asking, "Am I a prayerful person?" ask, "How many days did I actually pray last week?" Evidence cuts through our good intentions and shows us what's really happening.
Here are some evidence-based questions to ask yourself:
Time: If someone looked at my calendar for the past month, what would they say matters most to me?
Money: What does my spending and giving say about my priorities?
Words: How have I talked about others this week? Have I been quick to encourage or quick to criticize?
Relationships: Who have I forgiven lately? Who have I helped grow?
Habits: How many days this past month did I spend time in God's Word and prayer?
Reactions: How did I respond the last time something went wrong, or someone hurt me?
Then and now: Compared to a year ago, what's different about me?
The Three-View Worksheet
This simple worksheet helps you compare how you see yourself with the evidence and with what a trusted friend sees. Rate each area from 1 (not at all) to 5 (very much). Where the three columns don't match, you've found something worth paying attention to.
Fill in the first column on your own. Then look honestly at the evidence. Finally, ask a trusted friend to fill in the last column for you. Their view may surprise you, sometimes in a humbling way and sometimes in an encouraging one.
Healthy Habits for Self-Measurement
Self-measurement works best when it becomes a regular, healthy habit rather than an occasional guilt trip. Here are some practices that help:
Compare yourself to your past self, not to others. Paul said, "let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another" (Galatians 6:4, KJV). The only fair comparison is you a year ago versus you today.
Write it down. Keep a simple journal of what God is teaching you and the steps you're taking. Memory is generous; a journal is honest. Looking back over a year of entries can show growth you'd never notice otherwise.
Set a regular rhythm. Use the monthly self-check from Lesson 24 and the six-month self-assessment from Lesson 15. Regular check-ins keep you from drifting without noticing.
Invite accountability. Give one or two trusted people permission to ask you hard questions and tell you the truth.
Look for the trend, not one bad day. Everyone has rough weeks. What matters is the overall direction over months and years.
Celebrate real growth. When the evidence shows you've grown, thank God for it. Honesty includes seeing the good, too.
Being True to Yourself and to God
In the end, honest self-measurement isn't really about numbers or worksheets. It's about being truthful before God. And here's the good news: you don't have to fear what you find.
God already knows everything about you. There's nothing you could discover about yourself that would surprise Him. Paul put it this way: "I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord" (1 Corinthians 4:4, KJV). Even Paul knew his own view wasn't the final word. God's is. And God looks at His children through the lens of grace.
That's what makes honesty possible. When you know you're loved and forgiven, you don't have to pretend. You can look at your weaknesses without hiding them, and you can look at your growth without bragging about it.
Here's what being true to yourself and to God looks like:
Humility. Admit that you don't see yourself perfectly, and stay open to correction.
Confession. When you find sin or failure, bring it to God right away. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9, KJV).
Gratitude. When you see growth, thank God. It's His work in you.
Grace. Be as patient with yourself as God is with you. You're a work in progress.
A next step. Honest measurement always ends in action. Ask, "Based on what I've seen, what's my next step?"
The goal of measuring your growth isn't to earn a good grade. It's to know yourself truthfully, so you can follow Jesus more fully.’
Action Steps
Before you move on to the next lesson, work through these on your own or with your team:
Read Psalm 139:23–24 and James 1:22–25. Pray David's prayer and ask God to show you what you need to see.
Notice how you fool yourself. Look at the five common ways we measure ourselves too kindly. Which one do you lean on most?
Answer the evidence questions. Work through the seven evidence-based questions honestly and write down your answers.
Complete the three-view worksheet. Fill in your own ratings and the evidence, then ask a trusted friend to fill in the last column.
Start a growth journal. Write down one thing God is teaching you each week for the next month.
Compare then and now. Write a short paragraph describing how you've changed spiritually over the past year.
Invite accountability. Ask one or two people you trust to check in on your growth and tell you the truth.
Teach it to others. Plan how you'll share these tools with your groups and guides so people across your church can measure their own growth honestly.
When people learn to see themselves honestly, with both truth and grace, they stop guessing about their growth and start taking real next steps. See you in the next lesson!
